Thursday, March 14, 2013

Movie Review - Detachment (2012) (Not Rated)


Desperation and Despondency as a Wakeup Call

I had no idea how ill prepared I was to experience Detachment. Here is a film that plunges headfirst into the depths of disillusionment, despair, and failure and almost never resurfaces for air. You will experience emotions normally repressed during movie watching. You will be saddened, shocked, and above all, angered. You will see things you wouldn't ever want to see and hear things that should never be heard. You will wade through a sea of bleakness, desperately searching for some small shred of hope to cling on to. At the end of it all, you will be so psychologically drained that, for a time, it may seem as if you will never be happy again. At the same time, you will also get to thinking, and that's exactly why I'm recommending this movie so highly.

A few months ago, I snubbed my nose at the critically acclaimed thriller The Grey, an equally hopeless and depressing but also nihilistic story about men who must fight against wolves, and themselves, in the snowy Alaskan wilderness. Unlike that film, which reduced its compelling ideas into a cheap and shallow thriller, Detachment uses its desperation and despondency to make a point. I don't see it as a movie so much as a wakeup call, a way for audiences to understand not just the world but themselves as well. At its essence, it's an examination of behaviors that are perpetuated by people that have the power to stop it. It might not seem like they have the power. In fact, it might seem like absolutely everything is working against them. There's no question that rising above adversity is a challenge. Nevertheless, it's one that must be faced.

The main setting is an inner city public high school, one that exemplifies with horrifying detail the failure of the No Child Left Behind act of 2001. Most of the students are poorly educated, violent, and foulmouthed. They have no respect for others, but more to the point, they have no respect for themselves. They have, in fact, degenerated into pure apathy. This has rubbed off on the faculty, for they know that all their years of teaching and guidance haven't made the slightest difference. They're constantly berated by furious parents for being so lousy at their jobs. It's almost as if they have relinquished themselves of the responsibility of actually raising their own children. Is your son or daughter a problem? Don't take the necessary steps of working towards a solution - simply dump them off at school and let the teachers do the dirty work.

Bearing witness to all of this is a substitute teacher Henry Barthes (Adrien Brody). He struggles to make a difference, all the while knowing that he's failing miserably. He sees nothing but people who have given up, and he's within of inch of giving up on himself. His personal life is a mess; his grandfather (Louis Zorich), in the advances states of some kind of dementia, languishes in a nursing home staffed by people who simply don't care. He has flashbacks of a childhood scarred by the absence of a father, an alcoholic mother, and a deep tragedy. He eventually takes in an underage prostitute named Erica (Sami Gayle). He's saddened by her situation and even helps her in a few important regards, but he doesn't coddle her like a frightened puppy. He wants to get through to her that she has value as a person, that she's so much better than giving oral sex to men on the bus. He's also tortured by the fact that their arrangement can't last forever.

Several distinguished actors make appearances in this film, mostly as faculty members. These would include Marcia Gay Harden, Tim Blake Nelson, James Caan, Lucy Liu, Blythe Danner, Christina Hendricks, Isiah Whitlock, Jr., Bryan Cranston, and William Petersen. All are in various stages of professional and personal breakdown; Nelson plays a teacher who isn't noticed by anyone, Caan plays an administrator who can only get through the day on medication and biting wit, and Harden plays a woman who knows that the end is near. In one of the best scenes, Liu lashes out at a student for her disrespect and indifference at her own future. She gets nothing but kids like this day in and day out. What is the point of pointing out their academic shortcomings when they obviously won't take the steps to better themselves?

Of all the actors that appeared in the film, the most compelling is Betty Kaye as a student named Meredith, who observes the school through the lens of her camera. She creates dark collages with her photos. Her creativity is labeled by her unseen but clearly heard father as unnecessary teen angst. Believing only beautiful people are worthy of attention, he cruelly harps on her about her overeating, the way she dresses, and her social isolation. Meredith, an intelligent young woman, makes a connection with Barthes. Unfortunately, her self-esteem is so low that she misinterprets his encouragement as personal affection.

The film intercuts linear scenes with multiple narrative techniques, none more resonant than Barthes' documentary-style confessionals. The final scene begins with him reading the opening sentences from Edgar Allan Poe's "The Fall of the House of Usher," which should already tell you everything you need to know. The message of Detachment is simply one of responsibility and caring. If you're a parent, nurture your children and allow them to be themselves. Don't expect a school system to raise them for you - as they say, education begins at home. Before you point out someone else's flaws, first recognize your own. Understand that you're not perfect. Be thoughtful of others. And above all, know that you matter. There is no tragedy deeper than giving up on yourself.

Senior Care: In-Home or in a Nursing Home?


Many seniors are not satisfied when placed in a nursing home. This is because they want to maintain their dignity by living independently in their own home for as long as possible. If your senior loved one needs any form of care and you're considering which type of senior care is best for him, then consider providing him in-home care services. This is the best type of senior care because it allows an individual to stay in a familiar surrounding while receiving the right care they need.

Often, price and care are great determining factors in choosing the right type of senior care. In home care services do not include charges on hospital or nursing home facilities and equipment so they are usually cheaper and more affordable. Nursing home's cost varies by state, but in general the expenses are often far above the median income of most seniors. Medicare can only cover a small portion of long-term care. For this reason, seniors who cannot afford the costs of a nursing home can start to consider about hiring in-home care services.

There are more benefits to receiving home care services than staying in nursing homes. For most seniors, the ability to keep certain level of independence can help improve their quality of life as well as their over-all well-being. Besides, not all elders need full-time assistance. Some are still mentally and physically fit to perform daily chores and they only need some help in other areas of their life, such as grocery, shopping, or going to doctor's appointments. These types of seniors may only need help for a few hours a day. But even those who need constant care may still find it more beneficial to stay in their own home than in a nursing home. Sick seniors who receive in home care services often receive more personalized care than those who stay in nursing homes, where staff has to attend to many people with different levels of needs.

As in-home senior care becomes more and more common, so are the options for you to choose from. The industry involved in providing senior care services has expanded to provide services aimed at enriching your senior loved one's life by means of a personalized home care services. There are at least three categories of senior care to choose from, namely, personal care, companionship, and home maker services; and the type you choose depends mainly on your senior loved one's needs.

Personal Care Services

The personal care services provided depend mainly on every individual's needs. This may include bathing, which is important in making a person feel well and more comfortable. Helping your loved one perform daily activities he needs to remain mentally and physically active is also part of this type of service. Meal planning and preparation for seniors requiring a special diet can also be provided by in-home care providers in coordination with the senior's health care professionals and family members.

Companion Services

In this fast-paced world, where we often don't even have time to say Hi or wave goodbye to our senior loved ones, life can be very solitary and lonely for them. This is where companion services play a vital role. Having individuals to provide companionship to your senior loved one can greatly enhance the quality of his life. This type of services is typically offered for only a couple of hours a day, or many days in a week depending on the needs of a senior. Services may include conversation, grocery shopping, running errands, medication reminders, and respite for family members.

Homemaker Services

Homemaker services are almost the same services offered by personal care and companion providers. Receiving this type of senior care in home often puts off the need for an individual to be transferred to a nursing facility or allows someone who has been hospitalized to return home much sooner.

Selecting a senior care in-home provider requires probing into the credentials of the individual if you're hiring directly or an agency's credentials, should you choose to hire a caregiver through them. Make sure that the service provider you hire is highly trained and qualified to provide dependable care to your loved one. If at all possible, do a background check of the person just to ensure that you're leaving your loved one in good hands. With the right senior care provider, your loved one can enjoy full freedom and satisfaction while living in familiar surroundings, which is what is lacking in nursing homes.

Avoid Being Uncomfortable at a Hospital and Use Home Health Care


What happens when the health problem requires medical attention over the course of a long period of time or even for the rest of your life? Being hospitalized for long periods of time can be both uncomfortable and expensive as well. In events such as these, home health care can be a solution to the problem.

Home health care is, as the name suggests, any health care assistance in the comfort of your own home. There are a variety of companies that offer these services and each with various specializations to provide any sort of assistance that a person may require.

Companies that handle these are primarily oriented towards senior citizens. However, any person with an illness or disability that requires continual assistance may benefit from it as well.

Most companies offer their services in a variety of places (other than in your own home) such as nursing homes, rehabilitation centers and retirement facilities.

Home health care can be provided on a short or long term basis. It can benefit people recover from an accident or surgery after leaving the hospital or maybe provided for people with permanent disabilities or who are otherwise unable to take care of themselves. The services that companies generally focus on range from companionship and assistance to the patients to do some of their daily chores to twenty four hour care. Many of the companies' caregivers are trained nurses and can administer doses of medication or provide specialized medical assistance.

This is usually sought when the family members of the patient have a hard time being able to give all the assistance that the patient requires.

Choosing the right care program can be difficult. A primary concern can be the cost of acquiring home health care services. As mentioned before, there are many home health care companies, both privately and publicly owned. Privately owned companies require a greater personal expense in order to hire their services whereas Medi-care based agencies require little or no cost. Medi-care based agencies can even offer better assistance as they are held to stricter standards than some of the privately owned home health care companies. The first step to choosing the right agency, regardless of whether it's public or private, is the sort of services they offer. Some care providers only provide skilled services such as nursing, therapy and home aide and other agencies focus more on personal care and sitter services. The family members should research on several companies to choose which one best suits their needs. Even after a home health care service has been obtained and provided, family members are encouraged to occasionally supervise that their loved ones are getting the help they need.

Home health care is a great benefit for people who have trouble accomplishing some of their daily tasks. In this manner, family members know that their loved ones are getting all the help they need and continue to enjoy their company.

The Job Outlook for Nursing Careers


Although the economy is sluggish, the job outlook for nursing careers still looks pretty good especially compared with many other careers that are experiencing hiring freezes at the moment. We will always need nurses, and even if hospitals are enacting some hiring freezes, travel nurses and other nursing positions are always going to be available. In fact, the Bureau of Labor Statistics foresees a much faster job growth for nurses compared to other careers through the year 2016.

It is expected that the employment of nurses will grow by more than approximately 20 percent over the next decade, and there is a variety of reasons for this. The elderly population continues to grow, technologies that require well-trained medical professionals continue to advance, older nurses continue to retire and patient care continues to progress. This expected growth will translate to more than half a million jobs for registered nurses if it plays out the way most experts think it will.

Although hospitals always need nurses, the most rapid growth for nursing careers can be found outside the traditional healthcare facility. The biggest growth of nursing jobs will be in home health care organizations, private physicians' offices and outpatient care centers. This does not seem to apply, however, to mental health and substance abuse care centers. Other areas of growth will be in employment services, particularly traveling nurse agencies, and in nursing homes for the elderly and disabled. There will also be job growth in hospitals.

Physicians' offices should experience the biggest growth due to the increased number of procedures being performed on an outpatient basis, which do not require any hospital stay. Home health care is a growing field because more and more elderly people are staying in their homes longer, opting for advanced home treatment rather than moving into nursing homes. It takes a specially trained nurse to administer the kind of care these elderly patients often need later in their lives. With such a good job outlook for nursing careers, it seems like as good a time as ever to get into this continuously growing field.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Tort Reform: What Is It and How Does It Affect You?


You may have heard or read the term "tort reform" recently regarding litigation and verdicts awarded to victims of nursing home abuse, medical malpractice, or defective products. If you were unclear as to what it meant, read on.

What is Tort Reform?

Tort reform is an effort to take away the average consumer's rights to fair compensation for substantial losses brought on by negligent manufacturers, doctors, nurses, or caregivers. Tort reform allows big businesses and other power players to get away with negligence, fraud, or other acts of harm. These corporations and insurance companies, along with their political counterparts and lobbyist, promote an aggressive campaign of propaganda, boasting false economic benefits of tort reform, in hopes to drum up popular support for limiting ordinary citizens their rights. These well-funded lobbyist push for caps on the recoveries that judges and juries can award in litigation and, in turn, aims to limit liability and allow companies to escape full and fair compensation to the people they injure.

Who is in Favor of Tort Reform?

Tort reform advocates are a coalition of insurance companies, HMO groups, pharmaceutical companies, big businesses, and other interests who want to protect companies from liability when they harm their own consumers.

Who is NOT in Favor of Tort Reform?

Contenders of tort reform include civil rights advocates, consumer advocate groups, plaintiffs attorneys, labor groups, state prosecutors, legal scholars, and more. Some of these entities include The

Public Citizen, The Committee for Justice for All, Mothers Against Drunk Drivers(MADD), The Center for Justice and Democracy, and The American Association for Justice.

Who is Harmed by Tort Reform?

Consumers are the victims of tort reform. Tort reform takes away your right to a fair case, in which an impartial judge or jury looks at the facts of your case to determine liability, if you are eligible for compensation, and what that compensation should be. We trust juries every day to determine if people are guilty of capital crimes and other serious offenses, but tort reformists claim that we shouldn't be able to count on them to determine fair compensation for someone whose life has been negatively affected by the negligence of another.

Particularly in the case of medical malpractice, doctors are made to appear the victims of the tort system. However, most of the damages paid to those harmed by medical malpractice comes from the deep pockets of the insurance industry. When tort reform legislations are passed and insurance companies are shielded from paying for the mistakes of their insured, they do not pass those savings down to doctors who are charged outrageous premiums to obtain medical malpractice insurance. Our doctors are simply being used as pawns in an effort by insurance companies to pay out less in damages, and raise premiums anyway.

Medical malpractice lawyers know of the dangers of tort reform and what it could mean for victims of negligence. In some states, reform legislation has been passed, and the face of justice is changing. In some states like Texas,, total recoveries are capped by the legislature (even though the actual damages suffered to by the victim is ten times the amount). Tort Reformists, medical malpractice insurance lobbyists, and corporate nursing homes all desperately want to prevent ordinary citizens from fair compensation for injuries that could potentially afflict them for the rest of their lives. These tort reformists and HMO lobbyist supporters want the government to place caps on how much a jury is allowed to compensate injured patients.

Can you imagine the conflict of interest? A politician who takes campaign dollars from pro-tort reform corporations like Exxon, making a law that forbids a jury who has heard the evidence of the corporate wrongdoing to compensate the victims of malpractice for all of the harm they have suffered - no matter what. Should an elected official make a law that says $100,000 is fair for causing a young mother of 4 children to lose a breast to cancer? Should a politician who take campaign contributions from the insurance lobbyist be able to prevent a jury from awarding more than $250,000 for causing a father of small children to spend a lifetime in a wheel chair? Why should a politician make a law that forbids a jury from awarding more that $300,000 for a child who will live the rest of his or her life with a debilitating brain injury and have 10 times that amount in medical bills?

These "tort reform" caps on mothers, fathers and children's compensation would also eliminate the possibility of punitive damages in the case of willful and intentional conduct. Monetary punishments are one of the few effective ways to hold corporate wrongdoers accountable for purposefully harming consumers in the name of profit.

These "tort reform" measures are so burdensome, that just recently it was revealed that woman who lost both of her legs to admitted medical negligence can't find a lawyer confident enough in their judicial system to take on her case.

The bottom line is that this called "Tort reform" is being pushed by insurance company lobbyist and big business because it would immunize the vast majority of corporate nursing homes, product manufacturers, pharmaceutical companies, car manufacturers, banks and home builders.

In this era of BP Oil spills, Enron, Hurricane Katrina fraud, Ponzi schemes, suddenly accelerating cars and fraudulent foreclosures, why would anybody support these "tort reform" measures that forbid ordinary citizens the right to a jury trial and fair damages?

Oklahoma Long Term Care


The Genworth Financial names Oklahoma as the sixth state with wide choices as well as the most affordable nursing home services in the entire United States. The results are based on the recent study of Genworth Financial's Choice and Affordability Index.

Based on reports, nursing homes range $48,000 and above a year stay in Oklahoma, and the costs continue to rise sharply over the five year period. The rates are found highest in Oklahoma City. Meanwhile, the hourly rates of Medicare-certified home health aide have escalated in the last five years. It is disheartening for care-giving families who are compelled to spend down large money of at least $89,378 a year for home care services.

Most taxpayers and all residents believe that Medicaid and Medicare would cover the expenses for long term care. Ironically, these publicly-funded programs do not cover long term care and leave the burden on the shoulders of Oklahomans and their caregiving families. The program of Medicaid or "SoonerCare" health care has stringent policies in providing care for qualified applicants; thus, many residents feel the program is useless as ever. The program prioritizes applicants with maximum of $2,000 savings and $2,022 gross income. Once eligible, all of the applicant's income, exclusive of $50 personal monthly allowance, must pay the nursing home costs.

Moreover, to qualify for Medicaid, all applicants are not allowed to simply transfer their assets to heirs or put them in an irrevocable trust. The gifts or transfer of assets must had occurred prior to five years of application for Medicaid eligibility benefits. Failure to comply on this rule will require the applicant to personally pay the long term care costs. Revocable trust is exempted from Medicaid eligibility benefits. In 2009, SoonerCare paid long term care costs for more than 21,000 Oklahomans. Nursing home care received the highest budget with 13 percent of Medicaid's $3.9 annual expenditures.

Oklahomans, who haven't purchased private insurance plan, have no option but pay for LTC costs themselves until their assets reach the amount allowed by State Medicaid program. Residents need to follow the stringent rules including the transfer of assets that make the eligibility process horrible.

Oklahoma Long Term Care Insurance Partnership

The Oklahoma Long Term Care Insurance Partnership is a joint effort of the State of Oklahoma and private insurance industry to address the increasing demands for long term care, while aspiring to reduce the financial impact on residents and caregiving families. The Oklahoma Health Care Authority, the Oklahoma Insurance Department, and private insurance companies join hand-in-hand to provide policies that provide maximum benefits such as asset disregard and inflation protection.

The asset disregard benefit deals with the most excruciating problem when applying for Medicaid -- the asset limit. Through this benefit, applicants may protect assets as much as they want to, but still qualify for Medicaid coverage. Therefore, Oklahomans can receive LTC without exhausting their hard-earned assets and lifetime's savings for SoonerCare. Partnership policies ignore the amount of assets a person have when determining the eligibility benefits, and the amount received from policy benefits is equal to assets that can be protected or called the dollar-for-dollar protection.

The inflation protection protects policyholders from the increasing costs of long term care services. A minimum of 3 percent inflation benefit is included on policies for people aged 60 and below. The inflation benefit is optional for those aged 76 and above.

Paint Your Holiday the Way You Want It to Be


Shirley's husband of 42 years died suddenly this spring of a heart condition. Brittany's husband served in the U.S. Army in Iraq for the past 9 months. This was supposed to be their first Christmas together, but he won't be home. Martha is homebound and lives in an assisted living facility; her family is hundreds of miles away. Stuart's son died; everyone asks how his wife is doing, but no one asks how he is feeling. Shelley was recently divorced and lives with her mother, again.

There is a myth that holiday grief affects only those who have lost a loved one. The truth is holiday grief and anxiety affects many people-all experiencing different life changing situations that challenge them to find a reason for the season. For each, holiday celebrations will change; and they aren't going to be what they used to be.

Perhaps, you remember the paintings and covers of the Saturday Evening Post during the 50's and 60's? Norman Rockwell's pictures always told a story. His pictures portrayed American life and values. People rushed to the newsstands to buy the prestigious magazine and find rapture in the scenes he illustrated. His era with Post ended in 1963, but his masterpieces continued to tell the stories of life the way it used to be.

In our lives today, whether or not we grew up in Norman Rockwell times, we build visual images worthy of the Norman Rockwell collection of holiday paintings. In our minds, we remember the "ideal" holiday event and the positive emotions surrounding it. Rockwell's holiday themes depict a vivacious, spunky Santa full of surprises; frolicking children, and perfect families enjoying typical family gatherings; festive meals; building snowmen; and chasing the postman. Everything in his pictures is perfect. Rockwell once said, "I paint life as I'd like it to be."

We are influenced by the great images of artists such as Rockwell. If only life could always be "as we would like it to be." Unfortunately, the realities of life are sometimes harsh. We try to avoid them by misinterpreting the truths and creating a mythical sense of euphoria. We struggle through the daze of holiday grief and give in to myths that complicate our already clouded view of the coming holidays. Grief and holidays come burdened with many myths.

What is a myth?

A myth is a story or something that is not true and may be handed down from generation to generation, like a legend. It is often a fabricated story or fact that cannot be validated. A myth, however, is something very easy to believe-because we want to believe it.

Grief from loss makes us vulnerable to many myths. Things aren't always what they seem. Our beliefs and attitudes are very powerful forces in our lives. We have a perception of what the holiday should be like based on past holidays and "ideal" holidays. Often, our perception of the holiday may be a myth. We believe that everything has to be perfect or the holiday is not worth celebrating.

What kind of holiday do you picture this year? Is it a season filled with doom and gloom or can you step aside from your grief and create a Norman Rockwell kind-of holiday in which everything is nearly perfect? Or, at least, a holiday that is the best that it can be.

It's possible to change the myths and create new realities that will allow you to step through the season with grace and sanity, in your control. Here are a few ideas of how to expose these myths and replace them with a new reality.

Myth: Holiday grief begins around Christmas Eve Day and ends right after New Years Day or when the decorations come down.

Truth: Holidays may begin earlier for some people. In fact holidays may begin as early as Halloween. Around our house, the holidays began right before the deer hunting season. Typically we were experiencing first snow and the men would begin celebrating the "spirit" of deer hunting while the women began building the "spirit of the season" by shopping. This was the tradition.

After our son, Chad, died, the tradition lost its glow. The harsh reality was-hunting wasn't as exciting as it used to be, and Chad wasn't going. Some friends gave us a DVD of Chad at one of his last hunting parties at the shack. It had been 14 years since his death. The DVD laid on our table, because we were both so fearful of seeing his image and experiencing the raw loss again. Finally, we played the DVD and with tears of great joy (and sadness) we witnessed the spirit of our beautiful son who loved to "clown around", dance, and hang out with the guys. It was a "good" cry.

The holidays still begin around hunting season for us, but it's not about hunting any more. Gary gave up hunting, but I didn't give up shopping. The focus wasn't around Christmas and gifts, but rather around hosting a community holiday grief program and enjoying ongoing relationships with family and friends.

So how do you dissolve the myth and create a manageable holiday? Plot out a time frame for your holiday season...whether it is a week, a couple of days or however long you think the "hard" times will be. Create a signal for yourself that tells you when that period of time is over. For us, the queue is taking down the Christmas tree. It's our sign of relief that the holiday is over and we can go back to routine.

Prepare for the uncomfortable moments and the thoughtless questions and remarks. You are going to get them. In your mind, determine how you will answer and stick with your rehearsed answers. Plan an escape. If you are in a "captured" setting, drive your own car. Or have an excuse when you wish to leave. You determine when.

I could picture Norman Rockwell illustrating this scene in today's world. I see a "get-away" car parked conveniently at the curb with the motor running when Uncle Jack pats you on the back and says, "You're strong. Keep a stiff upper lip."

Myth: At gatherings, it is inappropriate to mention fond memories of our loved that died. It makes others feel uncomfortable.

Truth: Holidays are a time for reflection. Remembering our loved one is essential to our good health and healing. Stories and memories will be with us for our lifetimes and are the one true source of pleasure.

Create a safe environment and remember out loud. Say his or her name and chuckle at the rich stories of life. Shed a tear and follow it up with silently saying, "I still love you." Teach others that love lasts forever; that you need to remember; and this is your reality for handling grief.

I could picture Norman Rockwell illustrating the scene today. The family may be gathered around a loose-bound, well-illustrated collection using the hottest scrapbooking skills. It's a volume of endless pictures that tell a life story through stamping techniques, assorted mementos, anecdotes and written interpretation of a particular event or day. A memory candle burns softly on the same table. Family and friends of all ages share the experience with mixed expressions: smiles, tears, chuckles, finger-pointing, and hugs.

Myth: Traditions are something you do year-after-year, and they aren't meant to be changed.

Truth: Just because we always did it that way doesn't mean we can't infuse our celebration with new ideas that fit into this generation of living and the present moment.

Every family goes through lifestyle changes-and those changes affect how traditions continue or are discontinued. Kids move away and go to college. Parents become "empty nesters" and "snowbirds." Teen-agers want to spend more time with their friends rather than with relatives on a holiday. Elderly parents don't want to cook; so, they may opt for dinner out.

At some point, we seem to outgrow traditions like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Maybe a death in the family is one of these times that means "let's try something new."

So how do you dissolve this myth and create a manageable holiday? Be open-minded. Reflect on past changes in other families as well as your own. If traditions bring unhappy memories, change them. Don't be a puppet and let others tell you how to spend your day. There are no set rules. Create a family contest on who can come up with the best "new" tradition. It's admirable to take pride in the traditions that work.

I can picture Norman Rockwell illustrating this scene today with a Christmas tree glowing in LED lights of red, blue, orange and fuchsia pink and grandma and grandpa engaged in a rousing game of WII bowling on the large screen plasma television. (Bet they beat the grandkids!)

Myth: When the second holiday season comes around, I will be over my grief and can return to the old traditions.

Truth: The second holiday may feel just as sad as the first. And for many, returning to the past holiday traditions is no longer desirable.

The second holiday season for us wasn't as easy as I originally thought it might be. But because we changed the traditions during the first holiday season, it was easier to accept that the change was good, and we wanted to do it that way again.

Remember grief is a process and that requires a different amount of time for healing for each of us. Don't hurry the process. If the second holiday is still a bit painful, you can try for the third-and in the meantime work at removing the barriers between peace and past. Holidays will always lack some of the precious moments of past years, but that doesn't mean holidays can't be good.

A real positive influence in dissolving holiday grief is "giving to someone else." Giving-meaning not gifts, but time and of yourself. There are so many people with needs in every community. Volunteer at charity events. Ring a bell for the Salvation Army. Pick a gift name off the Tree of Giving. Do something for someone that "feels good."

I can picture Norman Rockwell illustrating this life change by sketching a bereaved mom and dad serving meals in the big kitchen at a local shelter or gently consoling someone less fortunate with a loving hand on their shoulder. A church bell gently tolls outside the window while delicate snowflakes filter through the streetlight. A bright star-the star of HOPE shines magnificently in the distance.

Hope is an attitude of the spirit, and energy for the soul. It challenges myths and creates new realities. Norman Rockwell's illustrations in the current time might clearly be very different than they used to be. His gift would depict human values that show deep sensitivity to life's pain. While he showed "life the way I want it to be", new illustrations could witness to the testimonies of triumph over grief-and life "the way it is." This year be like Norman Rockwell, create a new canvas. Paint your holiday the way you want it to be.