Moving to a nursing home is a major change especially when medical monitoring takes away independence, even if it is for the person's own well being. Dealing with serious health changes is more difficult when it feels like an exile from an individual's former way of life. While residents are taken care of medically, their mental health is usually ignored. As a mental health consultant in a nursing home, I listened to many voices who would not dare speak of their emotional pain to others. Here are some of their comments.
o People question my sincerity regarding my pain. They don't seem to understand that I am having trouble explaining it clearly to them.
o We are labeled with a disease.
o I feel stupid (about my failing health). Who can you blame but yourself when things don't go as planned?
o It's tough being in a wheel chair. I hope people understand that I can't keep up. I am embarrassed.
o It bothers me to not be able to write. I can't even sign my name. I have to be more resourceful. I used to be organized by writing everything down. Now I have to keep it all in my head.
o My kids don't get it. They get impatient. They forget I am here and don't even talk to me. They talk around me.
o When I try to express my feelings others respond with silly comments. While they are trying to empathize, I wish they wouldn't say these things. I think I should just watch what I say.
o I would like to be active with whatever abilities I have left. I really want to give.
o Getting people to hear you is the hardest thing to do. It's hard to speak up when you're feeling infringed upon.
o I am more than my adaptive equipment.
o People worry I am watching too much television but it is the only thing I have.
o The kids take over. You are the child again.
o Just because you are older doesn't mean you lose your identity.
o They filled out all the papers regarding my living situation. No one asked me how I felt about it.
o Where are my belongings? My house was sold behind my back.
o Others buy clothes for me. I don't even like the styles they choose. I used to have my own credit card. Now I am asking my children for money for hair appointments and simple spending.
o There's tension with my family around the holidays.
Nursing home residents speak of a loss of control when their lives seem to change drastically. These may be the final years of their lives, but they can certainly be spent with meaning. Residents want to be helpful to society still. They have great stories to tell of past achievements. The way they used to identify themselves is not how they are identified now. They are elderly, diseased, and needy and who they have been for the past several decades is now forgotten and irrelevant.
Families can help residents still feel relevant. Your loved one is a stranger to the nursing home staff until they become better acquainted with their new guests. As a family member, you can help this process become more successful.
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